Recipes from the Garden

As seasoned hostesses, all the ladies of Gardenalia have a signature recipe that they delight in making and sharing with their fellow adherents. From cocktails to substantials, their recipes pair well with repressed feelings and overshares alike.

12916380_10156774399910204_8382063846891112251_oVivian’s Spring Fling Punch
Perfect for Weddings, Garden Parties, and non-Religious Wakes
– 2 liters sparkling water (if you haven’t tried carbonation yet, you’re in for a treat!)
– The juice of 10 lemons
– 2lbs sugar
– 1 oz pure cocaine powder 

Stir ingredients together in a crystal punch bowl.

Helpful hint: Do not give to children after 9pm as they will be impossible to put to sleep.

12439406_10156681644465548_1390907509237071307_nDorthy Bell’s Swiss Steak
Take 1 round of young steak, recently sacrificed, 1 ½ inches thick, pound well on both sides with the fervor of 100 women and knead into the meat as much flour and passion as it will hold, season with
salt and pepper.

Put into a hot frying pan, in which a large tablespoonful of butter has been melted, let brown a few moments on both sides, then place in roaster and pour enough hot water over it to halfcover. Simmer in oven until tender and serene, about two and one-half hours. Excellent gravy can be made with this.

Millie’s Farm Fresh Hard-Boiled Eggs12809698_10154656301533056_180461888952509044_n
Step 1) Buy chickens.
Step 2) Place chickens in coop.
Step 3) Wait six months.
4) Remove egg from coop.
4.5) Nuzzle chickens (optional)
5) Place in boiling water, wait 10 minutes.
6) Eat eggs.
7) Go pet chickens. They need it.

12400999_10154162932554623_7076393806822219034_nGeorgia Jefferson’s Friday Night
– 1oz Gin
– 1oz Gin
– 1oz Gin
– Pure silk scarf, white or jewel-toned

Don scarf. Pour liquid ingredients into Hernando County 1st place (Talent) trophy chalice. Add additional 1/2 cup of Gin, swirl in cup and listen to Andrew Lloyd Webber anthology on repeat.

Gardenalia plays every Saturday at 8:30pm through May 7th.  For tickets, click here.